Two Mistakes to Avoid Making When You Start Having Marriage Counselling

If you're going to have marriage counselling with your spouse, here are two mistakes you should try hard to avoid making.

Picking a counsellor that your spouse is not very enthusiastic about

If you're typically the one in your relationship who organises everything, you might make the mistake of picking a counsellor without consulting your spouse first. When you decide to have marriage counselling, it is normally best to ensure that the selection of the counsellor is a joint decision. The reason for this is that if you select a counsellor that your spouse is not enthusiastic about, then this will get your counselling off to a poor start.

For example, if your spouse has to spend an hour in traffic to reach the counsellor's office after a long day at work, they may be in a bad mood when they arrive and might resent you for putting them in a position where they have to make this tiresome journey. This may result in them being more argumentative than they normally are, which may make resolving your issues harder. Similarly, if your spouse is opposed to the therapeutic approach the marriage counsellor uses, they may not be willing to engage in the discussions or activities that the counsellor encourages you to have. By ensuring that they are happy with the location of the counselling sessions, as well as with the counsellor's methods and personality, you will stand a much better chance of overcoming the relationship problems the two of you are facing.

Discussing your counselling sessions with others in an insensitive manner

The other mistake you must aim to avoid making is discussing your counselling sessions with your friends, family or co-workers in an insensitive way. Whilst you might find it helpful to share some elements of this experience with these people (especially if they themselves have had marriage counselling), you must be cautious about doing this.

Ideally, you should consult with your spouse before chatting to anyone else about these sessions and ensure that they are not only okay with you talking about this subject with other people but that they agree with you, regarding what aspects of the counselling sessions you share with these individuals.

The reason for this is that if your spouse finds out, via a mutual friend, that you have, for example, discussed an argument the two of you had during a counselling session regarding infidelity, they may not only feel betrayed by this but might also feel embarrassed, if you revealed to this friend that your spouse cheated on you. This might result in them being unwilling to have discussions about these sensitive topics during your subsequent counselling sessions because they fear you will repeat some of the intimate matters they talk about. This, in turn, could put a halt to any progress the two of you previously made.